My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 1.5 years. During our relationship I often had to tell him I feel disconnected and hurt because he prioritizes his work and -most of the times- friends over me. Whenever I start to talk about my feelings, he shuts himself down and just tries to get rid of the subject. He says he is trying to make time for me as much as he could, he loves me very much and he enjoys our time together. But most of the times we saw each other only on weekends. I put up with this because his job in IT is really demanding letting him leave at around 23:00 most of the times, but even when he gets to leave at 18:00 every once in a while, he prefers to spend time at home by himself or just having dinner with friends.
On my birthday though, he messed up big time. My bday was on Sunday this year and I just wanted to have a quite weekend with him for some peaceful celebration. On Thursday he said see you tomorrow as we usually spent from Friday to Sunday together. When it was Friday, we were just texting about casual stuff as usual all day long and I went to home and change to go stay with him. (I live with my mom so we always stay at his apartment.) He suddey stopped talking to me, and it turned out that he went to have some beers with a colleague (male) and then went home. When I asked him why he just couldn’t let me know, he said we just talked casually and made no actual plans so he went. I blew up and told him it was ok to not to meet but he should let me know anyway. He was inconsiderate and disrespectful of me and my time, and all that stuff. He shut homself down again, not talking to me on Sunday like nothing happened while I was crying until that day, feeling neglected. I went there on Sunday, he told me he was very sorry, being overwhelmed and felt attacked and messed up by ignoring me. He bought a cake, made reservation for dinner, etc. I told him I still had a very bad weekend wanted to break up because I had had enough of being taking for granted and not being prioritized ever. After that, crying and begging for hours to stay together on his part. He told me he doesn’t want to one of those people who see the value of something great when it’s too late and promised to make it up.
Anyway, it was in February and until 3 weeks ago he made a real effort although I still needed time as I checked out from the relationship in my mind because I thought he would eventually go back to his normal way in a short time. Then I slowly convinced myself as I saw his effort. We stayed together in quarantine for 4 weeks, spending great time together. He always said he felt bad for the overall situation in the world but secretly glad that we finally found the chance to spend that much time together and he loved me being around him.
Then 3 weeks ago I left and went to my own home because he had an upcoming audit period until May 22, which is extremely busy for them (but still working from home) and he always prefers being alone in such stressfull periods. Things were great between us and we kept on chatting in a normal and loving way on the phone after I leave. Then this audit began and we started to text each other once a day, which is all I need, just a good morning and quick summary of the day before to catch up and we mind our own business. Then he started to text me every 2 days. Even one time I sent him a very sweet text to show that I support hln about how lucky I am to have him, he opened it next day and replied the day after.
I started to get pissed but I said ok, he is working all the time he is awake and sleeps for 4-5 hours at most, I should give him his time. Then last Monday, he texted good morning and told me to have a great week in a lovely way and I replied. Then, at the night of that day, I sent him a nice selfie and asked a question. Tuesday he opened but no contact from him. Wednesday, Thursday, nothing! We did not speak a word for 3 days (We never spent a day without texting before.) I called him on Thursday night and told him if he’s ok, he said yeah, I was super busy blah blah. Then I started a very long rant about how dismissive he was while it was the most effortless thing to text a person even one word, that I knew he was super busy so I was being understanding but nobody is too busy for “Hey sweetie, busy day again, have a nice day” etc. And how I am always the one to put effort into things and feeling like I am dragging him into a relationship with me, and I am tired of one-sidedness for a good 15 minutes. He said I was right, he should have done it and shut down again. Then he said “I just want to sleep right now I am too tired and this is one of the most stressfull periods of my life, sorry but I will call you tomorrow.”
He called on Friday, but after a couple of minutes his work phone rang and another call, so we had to hang up. I told him to let me know when he is done working, even if it is too late, then I will just know and we’ll talk tomorrow. He said sure and he did not let me know, did not text me even on Saturday morning.
I texted him “Will you call tonight?” He said yes, sorry we worked late I overslept. He didn’t call that night. On 5:30 in the morning, he texted “Sorry we worked late I overslept, just woke up.”
I didn’t reply and we have not spoken since. It has been 3 days and I don’t want to reach out to him anymore. I feel resentful and confused as everything was ok between us and he just started to ignore me, mostly because he is feeling attacked again and avoiding me but I am really tired of it. I even feel like we actually broke up without saying a word and it is breaking my heart, but at the same time this attitude is too tiring and I am always left alone with problems and he flees.
Could somebody comment on what they think actually is happening? What should I do? I will leave it as it is right now, even if he never contacts me again. But if he does, I don’t even know how to react anymore. Ignoring someone for days is just too much and I am really pissed at him. Now all that comes to my mind is the unfair treatment towards me, how I always spend my time and effort to make him happy and convince myself that there is no problem and I get angrier. Help please!